HATEU
by Nicole Lo
Summary: Sometimes to protect people, you have to push them away from you. And sometimes you just have to keep pushing them until they break ... and when you do that you have to hope that it doesn't kill you too... Sam/Leah past and present K to T rating
1. Prologue: I Can't Wait to HATE You

**H.A.T.E.U.**

**By: Nicole Lopez  
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**Chapter One- Prologue**: **I Can't Wait to Hate You**

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**Summary**: Sam-Leah-Emily and the real story behind his betrayal...

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Betrayal can make someone bitter, angry, violent. Those are all of the things that I have become in order to appear strong around him. I cannot let everyone know how much Sam has hurt me, but he has. He promised me the world, showed me nothing but love for three years and then tossed me aside when something better came along.

Emily. She was always everyone's favorite, but for once I had something that she could not because he loved me, because we were married because … he _imprinted _me. I thought that meant something, but I guess not.

But deep down I know better than that. People don't just love someone so passionately one day and then get over them the next and start loving someone else unless … it wasn't real. But of course it was. The blood in my veins flowed just so that I could wake up and be with him every day.

Sam genuinely treated him like I was the world, like I was the reason for his entire life. So, there's something going on. There's something that he's not telling me.

Everyone else would just say that I'm talking crazy and I need to get over it. But they don't know Sam and how we were together. And they don't know that I see how categorically different he is with Emily than me. They may _care _for each other, but he doesn't love her … at least not the way he loves me. Yes, I said _loves_.

I have to hold onto that thought and ignore the way he dismisses me in the pack, under minds my abilities, and insults me without a modicum of thought. If I really didn't matter, he wouldn't go out of his way to show that he hated me. And tonight … I was going to prove it. I was going to go with the pack to their house and show Sam that I could see through him.

"You ready for this?" Jacob wondered with a huge smile, wrapping his arm around my neck. I rested my head on … his right side. Jacob was much too big for my head to even be anywhere near his shoulder.

"You are going to enjoy this way too much." I added back, letting my hand rest around his waist. He was the only person in the pack that got this … what it felt like to be so heartbroken. I felt comfortable around him. The other guys always joked around that there was something going on between us, but I couldn't see anyone that way besides Sam. Consequence of the imprint.

"What are you planning this time?"

"I'm not planning anything. I'm a member of the pack, Emily is my cousin and I belong here." I answered innocently.

"Bull shit." Jacob whispered giving the side of my face a quick kiss and releasing me. I suddenly felt unprotected and vulnerable which was when I put on the bitch façade. I waited until all the other members went in before taking the plunge.

By the time I had gotten the courage to walk in, everyone was already eating and then I saw them… Emily and Sam. I narrowed my eyes trying to look as desirable as possible. There was no way I was going to let them see me cry.

"How's it going?" I asked the duo who seemed to be fervently discussing something important and private.

"You should go." Sam started immediately.

"No. That's not necessary. I have something to say to you Leah. I know this is difficult and I don't want to seem cruel but … please sign the papers Leah." Emily begged me with her sickeningly sweet voice as I nearly gagged. Instead a smirk crossed my face.

"Getting her to speak for you now?"

Sam lunged at me, backing me into the only empty wall in the kitchen. I met his eyes holding myself back from kissing him then and there. I could tell that something was restraining him too.

"I don't love you anymore Leah. I don't want to be with you. You mean nothing to me."

I rolled my eyes and yawned in response. Heard it all before.

"You can't lie to me. And I won't sign anything. You owe me and you know it … when the debt is settled, then we can talk." I pushed him away as the other pack members resumed movement. Everyone had observed the scene and it pleased me to know that I was the one person, besides Jacob, that Sam could not control.

"Are you okay?" Jacob asked me rapidly as I nodded but I was close to crying. He hugged me tightly and then took my hand, leading me out of the house where he would take me somewhere private so that I could cry. Again. I was being so weak.

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So, my plan of action had failed. Same hadn't succumbed to me with everyone witnessing and he still wanted to be with Emily. And I was a wreck. I couldn't take up anymore of Jacob's time … he had this longing to be with Reneesme all the time, so I hid myself in this special hidden place in the woods where I went to gain peace.

With nothing to hide behind except my shoulder-length hair, I stretched my naked body onto the ground, closed my eyes and tried to think of what to do next. There had to be something.

"Ahem." A male voice interrupted me as I rushed to cover my feminine parts. But it was Sam, so I dropped my arms soon after.

"What are you doing here?" I asked with tears dripping down my face. Already? Damn.

"I want to give you what I owe you in exchange for you signing the papers." Sam admitted, looking down.

"Do you really think it will work this time? Do you think it's going to be any different--"

"No. But I have to move on. Emily's waiting for me." Sam added.

"Fine." I agreed. "But I want to add one clause … I will only sign those papers if you can prove to me that you don't love me."

"I don't."

"You liar." I walked over to him, hair tousled and body littered with debris. With two swift movements I'd removed Sam's shirt and his pants were halfway gone.

"I won't--"

"You _will_." I demanded. Sam may have cut me off emotionally, but his body called to mine. I could tell and … as long as we had some sort of connection the imprint would last and I knew that he was still loving me. "I love you Sam." I muttered vulnerably waiting patiently until he stopped fighting it and touched his lips to mine, fondling my bare back as his hands moved further and further down.

He lifted me effortlessly off the ground, my legs pressing into his back with such force that I heard him grunt. "Damn Leah." He joked as I giggled, shortly after brushing my lips against his, never wanting this to end.

Having Sam be this close to me, I didn't care about his motives. It made me feel complete. I happily moaned, signaling to him that he was doing everything right. My nails dug into his skin making little marks that would disappear by the next day.

I was convinced that he would never be able to let this go, but I didn't push it by telling him that I loved him again, even though I did. I knew he still cared about me the way he stroked my hair after it was over, the way he kissed my nose, the way he kissed my stomach as though it were precious.

And not once did Sam mention the divorce papers.

Jacob was saying that I was torturing myself by going back to him over and over, but Sam was just as guilty. He had sought me out. And I was left feeling so much ecstasy.

"So you and Jacob?" He wondered with me sitting on top of him comfortably.

"Why would you think…" My voice trailed off. I guess to the jealous eye, it could seem like there was more than understanding and friendship between us. "No one makes me feel the way you do."

"I'm sorry Leah … I just can't do this." Sam shifted suddenly and started getting dressed.

"What did I do this time?"

"You can't say shit like that to me. Emily--"

"If you're going to mention her then go." I answered coldly. "But I'll see you around." I added with a smirk to mask my hurt at him leaving so soon. Sam was in such a hurry to go that he not only left the papers, but a rustic-looking book with him. I opened it curiously and knew that I had struck gold.

_Memoirs. _

This was his. All about everything that he was thinking and feeling … things he'd never say, and I had gotten my hands on it.

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(A/N: This story was sad ... so I had to fix it. Luv and review. --NL)


	2. Make You Pain Like I Do

**Chapter Two: Make You Pain Like I Do

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**Leah's POV  
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I opened the journal curiously wanting to see the most recent stuff that he'd written first...

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Sam's Memoir

You have to uderstand that I have to treat her like shit, like she's nothing. I'm trying to free her from the imprint, protect her, save her from me…

Last night I told her to leave again even though I never wanted her to go. I tightened my jaw when I said it, treating her worse than a common bloodsucker.

I was glad that we were still in human form because I needed to get my mind right. I needed to think about things and stop any thoughts that I may have that involved Leah.

The only way this would work would be if I cut her off completely, if I didn't show any signs of emotion over our permanent separation. Leah pressed her lips together, not saying anything but following Quil, Embry, Seth and Jacob into the house, _my house_.

Correction … the house that I shared with my wife-to-be, Emily. There was one thing stopping my love and eternal connection with Emily from being finalized and written in stone. That happened to be Leah herself. And it had a lot to do with the fact that I _had _married her and she _refused _to divorce me once things went bad.

And that was why I had to make her think she meant nothing. If Leah had any idea of how this was tearing me apart too, she would do what she did last time. And I didn't know if Emily and I could go through that again.

Leah wasn't budging and looked at me eagerly. I hated it. I allowed my eyes to glaze over, turning away from her and joining Emily in the kitchen.

"What's for dinner?" I whispered in her ear, starling Emily who turned and smiled, kissing me in response.

"I love you." She replied, pressing her lips together and looking down shyly. I took her face in my hands, tucked her hair behind her ear, which she usually used to hide her scars, and kissed them as I often did.

"I love you more than life." I breathed, taking in this intimate moment before we separated and I found myself not wanting to leave her. As I walked back into the room with the guys, I noticed that Leah was there.

She had been watching and no doubt _listening_. That was made clear by the heart-wrenching look of pain and horror that formed in her eyes**. **Her large, hurt dark brown eyes. Eyes that reminded me of a time long, long ago...

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I shut the book suddenly. This all seemed so wrong. I should just give it back, return it. It was Sam's, not mine.

"Lee Lee!" Jacob's voice echoed in the woods and I realized that I had been sitting here for what seemed like hours. "Whoa. You need a shower girl."

"Shut up!" I yelled back trying to hide my breasts from him. Jacob was a boob man and I didn't want to hear anymore comments about how big they were getting. I knew they were and I wished that it would stop.

"Wow. Your b--"

"I know they're _humongous_. And don't remind me …" I made a face at him. Like he hadn't seen me naked before and … likewise. In the pack there were no secrets. "Why are you here anyway?" I kept my arms strategically placed over my chest.

"You didn't come to the meeting, so Sam asked me to go find you."

"Did you bring clothes?"

"No. I thought you'd want to roam around naked in front of Sam, _again _today." Jacob replied being polite today.

"Not today."

"Why not? I thought you were going to win him back." Jacob responded.

"Maybe I don't have to try as hard as I thought." I started to blush. "Sam found me last night and… he's not over me."

"I don't get it--"

"Me either, but I'm going to figure it out. Any man that can make love like that with someone obviously still cares about them." I added as Jacob politely pulled off his t-shirt and passed it onto me.

"Thanks." I grinned. "I have been traumatizing the young ones enough, haven't I?"

"They all have a kindergarten crush on you." Jacob answered, referring to the fact that I'd gained many fans since the pack had grown. I only wished that I couldn't hear their innermost sexual thoughts about me. It was awkward. "You could always take one of them instead of Sam." He added as though he knew I was still thinking about being exposed in front of the pre-teen members of the pack.

"No thanks. I think it would piss him off though … last night he asked me about you--"

"Do you think he knows anything?" Jacob wondered suddenly.

"Of course not. We had that binding spell done, remember? Only we have memories of that." I responded as Jacob wrapped his arm around me and tried not to think about it. It only happened once and we were better friends because of it, because of the secret.

"Good. I don't want to hurt Reneesme."

"And I don't want to lose Sam."

"Agreed." Jacob started to hug me but instead repeated, "You stink. Sam's scent is all over you."

"Really?" I grinned uncontrollably. "It was magic."

"I didn't ask for details." Jacob replied bitterly. Reneesme still wasn't of mating age and Jacob was still stuck in a sixteen-year-old body with the teenage hormones to match. I knew this was hard for him, but I had to gloat at how amazing it was. Unbelievably so, so much that it gave me hope.

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That night, while I was supposed to be on a dummy mission, I pulled out the journal again and started to read. This time, I started from the beginning. It would make more sense that way. Page number one of Sam's diary…

The look of utter fear and disappointment in her honey-brown eyes tore me apart. Before, she looked back and forth between my father and I, trying to diffuse the situation, but now her eyes sat fixed on the pool of blood that was expanding and spreading, amalgamatingwith all of the things that had gotten knocked down during our fight.

I was still breathing hard from earlier, furrier than I had been in the past, almost as frozen in time as my father's lifeless eyes where I could clearly see him staring back at me … forever. It was haunting and I couldn't believe that it had happened.

If I could just control myself and make myself human again … as I flinched, she looked up at me with pools of water spilling onto the blood, mixing with the blood, skin, and pieces of hair that had come from me as well.

_Mom … _I tried to cry out to her, but it came out as a faint howl and she looked at me with wildness in her eyes, as though she were preparing to share the same fate as my father.

"Don't come any closer." She growled. I howled again, pacing back and forth and wanting to help make this right. I had to fix this. "Look what you've done … what have you done…" She moaned, collapsing to the floor onto her knees and rolling my dad's blood-soaked body into her arms. "What have you _done…" _She continued, crying and rocking back and forth.

I could hear her screams of hurt and anguish as I started running. I ran, with no guidance no explanation, not knowing anything. I let the twists and turns of the wind lead me to the eastern shores of the states, making no enemies, afraid to make friends.

I became a wanderer, following the wind and tracing the same patterns that led me north then south, east and back all the while wondering what type of monster I had become, never once daring to go back to my mother.

When I left I was around 19. I spent seven years as a nomad, hunting whenever I was hungry, bathing in the seas, speaking so rarely that I almost forgot how to say anything. It was better to forget. I could make myself forget until … one day the wind changed.

It took me far west past the deserted desert areas, prairie lands and into the cold desolate rains of Washington. It pushed me further and further onto this new land until it was no more. The wind dispersed and I was here in Forks, Washington.

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Sam's Memoir

Loudly pulsating rhythms … that's where it had left me. Music. I saw people who looked just like me heading towards it and I followed them. Louder and louder until one loud drum beat signaled its stop. Everyone around cheered and gathered closer for another story.

Sinking down to my knees, I listened half-heartedly until I heard what they said about the wolves how … how the man had changed themselves in woods. He became a wolf. I looked around to see others that were clearly less interested than I and then I began to see why the wind had stopped here, why I had ended up here.

They could explain what I was and how to get rid of it. Once the stories ended, I resolved to speak to the man who was telling all the stories, the man in the wheelchair, but I was intercepted, bumping into one of the many girls who were dancing around in a circle.

"Sorry." I grumbled, hearing my voice for the first time in … years.

"Come on Rachel. No falling next time." A much older girl rushed to help her up, giving me a glance and a small smile.

"You're not from around here, are you?"

"No."

"You realize this is private property and this isn't some tourist attraction." She explained, her dark black hair moving and shaking as she spoke, like it had its own mind. She was studying me. I could feel it.

"Yes. I am here to speak with him." I changed my focus to the man in the wheelchair.

"Billy Black. He's quite popular." She remarked, biting her lip as if something seductive had crossed her mind, before letting me go on my way. It was then that I was able to explain everything to Billy and the others, hoping they'd be able to help me…

"Leah." A feminine voice interrupted my reading and I slammed it closed.

"What do you want Emily?"

"Have you signed the papers yet?"

"What's the rush?" I argued back secretly thrilled that the huge scar on her face matched the ugliness that I saw within her.

"It's not for me to say." Emily looked down.

"Then don't waste my time but talking to me." I brushed past her and continued where I left off. '_A Week later,' _it read:

I had no place to go or stay so the Blacks generously offered to have me stay with them for a while. It was just Billy and his two teen children, Jacob and the little dancing girl Rachel. I was in the middle of eating breakfast, just haven gotten up when there was a knock on the door.

"I'll get it!" Rachel yelled as Jacob rushed to the door pushing her out of the way and opening it before she got the chance. "That's not fair."

"Maybe next time." Jacob gave her a noogie before I could catch sight of the guest.

"Is Billy home?" The girl walked in as if she were entitled to do so, uninhibited by any sense of embarrassment for her just barging in.

"Not right now." Jacob answered as she continued walking until she reached the table that I was eating on. She sat down across from me.

"I brought this for you all. My mom made it." She stared at me, eluding both extreme confidence and a sense of playfulness that was better reserved for someone much older. She sat grinning as though she knew a huge secret, some covert mission that involved me and I didn't like it.

"How old are you?"

"How old are _you_?" She wondered back, leaning a little closer to the table, trying to regain eye contact with me since I had resumed eating.

"She's seventeen!" Rachel yelled from the background.

The girl rolled her eyes and continued with her sad attempt at intimidation. "The appropriate response would be 'Hello, my name is … May I ask your name?'" I grunted in response as the girl laughed.

"I'm Leah and you're Sam … the guy that has single-handedly turned this reservation around, but I have no idea why…" She probed.

"It's none of your business." I grunted back, turned a little anti-social from my years of seclusion. And even though the elders had welcomed me here with open arms, I was more than ready to go if I became a burden … if someone got hurt.

"Guess not." Leah shrugged, opening the food she had brought for us and starting to eat. "Want a piece?" She offered, after taking a bite. The kids ran around her, each begging for some. "Here." She handed me a muffin, watching me closely.

I hated being scrutinized and watched.

"Would you stop?"

"There's nothing wrong with looking, right … as long as I don't touch?" Her eyebrows rose and I could instantly tell that this girl was more talk than anything else. Maybe if I just played along, she would go away…

"Billy won't be back until tonight. I'm watching the kids … what do you want?"

"You don't look like the type that can handle budding adolescents." Leah began. "So I'll stay and help you--"

"That's not--"

"Don't worry. I'm over here all the time … look, I'll bring Quil and Embry over to keep Jacob and Rachel busy."

"You don't--" This time Leah placed her finger over my lips to silence me.

"We have things to talk about." I could just feel the sex ooze from this girl. She was sexy and she knew it, but I wasn't trying to ruin anything while I was here. Leah would get bored with me after a while and then moved on. Girls like her always did.

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"Is it getting good?" Jacob wondered, sneaking up behind me.

"Who let you in the room and how did you--"

"I know your mind better than my own." Jacob answered. "So … am I in it?"

"Just as a dumb kid fighting with Rachel. It's cool to see what he thought of us." I smiled serenely. So Sam found me _sexy_ back then?

"I wonder how long until he lets on that it's missing." Jacob took a seat beside me on the bed.

"You know you're way too huge to be sitting on this old bed with me. What did you come by for?" I wondered as he tucked back my hair.

"I wanted to be the first one to tell you that Sam and Emily are planning to get married." Jacob sat motionless waiting for my response.

"What? How … that's illegal."

"I guess she's tired of waiting…"

"What's the rush?" I wondered. There was something going on, something big. I resumed reading as Jacob hung out with me for a few minutes. I knew that eventually I'd have to stop living in the past and face the future. Emily was hiding something.

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Sam's Memoir

She came back a couple hours later, as promised with two rambunctious little boys, adding to the noise volume and my irritation. The two of us sat down on the porch steps, me zoning out and waiting for some type of sign that it was my time to leave. It felt like it.

"Out of all the places in the world to come to, why the hell here?"

"That's strong language for a young … girl."

"I'm not a girl _Sam. _Everyone here knows that I can handle whatever a guy can and more. I'm just a girl with balls." She smiled and looked back at me, catching my eyes in hers. "So … what's it like?" The moment took a turn for the intimate.

"What's what like?" I panicked, immediately thinking that she was referring to the wolf side of me. How did she know? I thought we had agreed to keep it quiet until … until we had figured something out!

"The world. Sue, that's my mom … Sue says that you've been all over the country. I could only imagine getting off of this stupid reservation and not being known as the little 'Indian' girl." She rolled her eyes. "What was your favorite place?"

"I-I don't know … I mean … they were all the same to me, they all blurred together."

"Oh. So you were running from something … a girl maybe?"

"Are you always this nosy?" I asked, standing up suddenly, Leah followed suit, touching my arm and stopping me from returning to the house without her.

"Only with people that I'm interested in." She said bluntly, catching my eye again. Damn. She was way too forward for my taste. I usually had to chase a girl down they didn't normally approach me.

"You're only seventeen and I'm--"

"Much older than that. I know." Leah interrupted. "But you're interesting … and really different from the guys I've dated here." She answered back, exhaling deeply. "I'm not looking for a relationship or anything … just a friend so chill out." Leah bit her lip before continuing. "I just got out of something with Embry's older brother … he's in the military and we decided that it was best to break up while he's doing his thing in Afghanistan…"

"I'm really sorry to hear that."

"Don't be." She retorted quickly. "When it's over, it's over …"

"Then why are you wearing a wedding ring on your finger?" I noticed, becoming more and more interested in talking to Leah. She was the only one, outside of the elders, who had attempted to really talk to me.

"It's for good luck … for Coly, from Coly. Just because we're broken up doesn't mean that I don't want him to come back home, alive." She replied as I nodded. I knew all too well what it was like to lose someone to death.

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Sam's Memoir

The next day, Iwoke up to the sound of power tools and heavy sawing. In my mind I cursed whoever was making so much noise at … 12:30 in the afternoon but it wasn't stopping anytime soon. I hopped out of bed, scantily dressed, unshaved and unshowered and pissed.

Determined to find out who it was, I left through the back door only to see Jacob and Embry and … Leah.

"What are you doing?" I yelled.

"Leah's helping us fix dad's car."

"Isn't it cool?" Embry chimed in.

"Yeah. Cool." I narrowed my eyes at Leah who was grinning brightly as me.

"You might want to put on some clothes next time." Enjoying me in my boxers a little too much. "And aren't you _cold_?"

"Yeah." I turned around to go put on some pants and a jacket. They served no purpose to me because my body was like a 24 hour heating system. Winter was the same as summer to me. I made a note to be more cognizant of this and be careful around Leah.

She was getting much too close to me too soon. And I had to figure out what exactly it meant being a werewolf before I got her involved … wait, what am I saying? Am I actually thinking about dating this girl? Damn. I've never been in a relationship before. The only thing I know how to do is have sex and then run … I hope Leah figures out what's best for her and leaves me alone, but I don't really want her to.

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(A/N: I completely redid this story because it was boring me to write it the other way … This is loosely based off of Mariah Carey's _H.A.T.E.U._ but I'm taking some creative liberties to make it more interesting. If you want to read more of my Leah-Jacob or Leah-Sam check out my other three fics. I love feedback! Luv. –NL)


	3. Still Can't Shake You Off

**Chapter Three: Still Can't Shake You Off**

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~Leah's POV~

I skipped around until I found something that stood out to me. Sam talked a lot about his mom, the death of his father and distancing himself from people. He'd had a lifetime of feeling like a monster and he didn't want to hurt anyone else which was sweet.

But I had to stop reading this to talk to Emily and find out what she was hiding.

"Emily." I burst into the house uninvited.

"Leah? Do you know?"

"You're going to tell me what's going on?" I probably looked crazy, but I didn't care. "How can you try and marry him when he's mine. He's mine." I repeated.

"I didn't want to be the one to tell you but … I'm with child--"

"You're _what_?" I wondered in disbelief. I thought the imprint rendered the woman infertile. That's what we thought happened to me. If Emily could have his baby and I couldn't then that meant something was wrong with me…

"Leah, I don't--"

"Don't try to justify this. You slept with my _husband_."

"Only legally. He wants to marry me now."

"Adulteress." I shot back, breezing out of the house on a rampage. Sam. I had to know if it was true. I had to see him. I wanted to read what he'd written because I knew he'd never tell me the truth. I opened up the book to the time we first kissed…

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-Sam's Memoir-

My encounters with Leah were no more numerous than those with the others on the reservation over the last few months, like Sue Clearwater, but it just seemed like it was to me … probably because she had gotten to me, maybe just a little.

I was guessing that Leah was just calling to my … manly needs and being that I'd distanced myself from people for a long time, and she was the one trying to get closer to me … that explained it all.

And I was still doing the distance thing. Everyone was at the carnival celebration and I was here, bathing in the sea, having jumped off the cliff in the meantime.

To others, it looked as though I had tried to kill myself, but I was merely testing out the things that the elders had told me. I wasn't easily killed, that's for sure.

"Hey Lame-o!" A high, feminine voice yelled, as I looked up to see who it was. Leah, of course.

"What are you doing here?" I wondered, having no shame in being naked in the water. After all, there was no way she could make it down here before I would leave anyway.

"I came to see you." She called from on top of the cliff, rolling up her sleeves and pant legs.

"What are you doing?"

"If you can make it, I can make it!" Leah yelled back, moving back and then taking a running plunge into the water.

"Leah! Wait!" I screamed, retroactively as she drove into the water, not even flinching. I acted on instinct, running to catch up with her unaware that even in human form, I retained some of my superhuman capabilities, like speed.

"Wow. You're good." She giggled as I breathed a sigh of relief, feeling her in my arms.

"Are you crazy? You could've been killed." I scolded her uselessly as Leah turned her head to face me.

"I knew you wouldn't let me die." She whispered as I brought her to the shore.

"Do you even know how to swim?" I wondered as Leah shook her head firmly. I placed her on the shore, trying to find any bruises or scratches on her body, but all I could see was Leah's amused face.

"Your umm … Ahem." She coughed, motioning towards my exposed lower body.

"Sorry." I mouthed, turning away from her, but still glancing back. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah … just a little … cold." I could see that Leah was not okay. Her golden-brown skin looked pale and she was losing color in her lips.

"Damn." Hypothermia. Thinking quickly, I peeled off the hoodie she was wearing and wrapped it around my waist before scooping her up and moving her back to the house, as quickly as I could.

I didn't know much about hypothermia, but I knew that she needed heat … but I also knew that my body was made of heat. "You're going to be fine." I whispered, peeling off her clothing until Leah was left with the necessities, just her undergarments.

She continued laughing and smiling and I could see that the heat was helping, but not enough. That's when I yanked off her remaining wet clothing and tossed the hoodie to the side, cupping her body onto mine.

"You're going to be fine." I promised again, using my hands to warm her lips and face. Within a couple of hours Leah had stopped with the meaningless laughter and looked up at me, definitely weakened by her near death experience.

"Thank you." She muttered before falling asleep in my arms.

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-Sam's Memoir-

Leah was on house arrest for a week after her parents found out what had happened. Sue, in particular, was suspicious about the events of that night, but Billy assured her that the only thing I was guilty of was saving her life.

I was only allowed to visit her if someone else was with me, and that was fine. Walking into her bedroom, I noticed how it resembled a Disney Princess museum more than anything else. She really _was _young.

"If you're here to say 'I told you so,' then don't. I'm sick of hearing people bitch and moan about what I did. I'm alive, aren't I?"

"Yeah. Thanks to me."

"Hey Leah." Jacob greeted her weakly, but we were both too wrapped up to pay much attention to him.

"I already thanked you." Leah responded, sitting up. "I really don't want you in here."

"Why? Feel exposed now that I've seen the Disney shrine?"

"No. Those are collectables." Leah answered back proudly. "Whatever Sue said about what I did, don't believe her."

"I think it's true." Jacob mumbled, looking bored.

"Hey Jake … will you give us a sec?"

"What is she saying?" I wondered once he had gone to the bathroom … or whatever.

"My parents are so asinine that they think I was trying to kill myself over Coly."

" Col--"

"Embry's brother … he-he's MIA." Leah rolled his eyes. "And he was supposed to be coming back … on leave or whatever for like a week."

"Oh."

"Yeah … but he's not dead." Leah declared confidently. "I would feel it if he died. I would know … I mean how the hell do you _lose _someone in the middle of a war?"

"I don't know. It seems stupid …" I agreed, looking down at the ground. "So, if you didn't jump for him, then why?"

"To prove that I could. I can't even swim you know." Leah boosted proudly.

"Don't do it again." I demanded.

"Why … do you _care_?" She probed gaining eye contact.

"I don't like to see people die, especially if…" I sighed. "Especially if I can help it."

"Just because people aren't physically dying doesn't mean they don't need your help."

"And what can I help you with?" I wondered, sitting on the edge of her bed.

"You can forgive me … for lying."

"About what?"

"When I said I just wanted you as a friend."

"That's just the rescue talking." I answered. "You're just stuck on the hero thing, but I'm no good guy."

"I think you are." Leah reached for my hand. "Don't pull away … let me get to know you…" She begged.

"I may be leaving soon and you're too young." I started to give Leah a laundry list of why any thoughts of me and her were ridiculous and futile.

"My parents hate you. You're too old. You're troubled. I'm just acting out … there are a million reasons as to why we can't just hang out and see where this goes."

"I can't." I started to stand as Leah hopped out of the bed, chasing after me.

"Please." She closed the door before I could walk out. "Were you disappointed in me … in my body?" Leah asked bluntly. "I know I'm only seventeen and I just--"

"No." I shook my head, ashamed that I was even admitting that I looked at her that way.

"I wasn't disappointed either." She joked smiling as my expression lightened up a little. "Sam ...you saved my life … let me save yours."

"I don't need saving."

"You're not happy Sam, I can see it. Everyone can see it." Leah took my hands in hers, preventing me from leaving. We just stood, staring at each other intensely, both contemplating what this would mean if we were to be together.

When she felt that she had dominatedand won, Leah let go of my hands just in time for me to lean over and brush my lips against hers. I could hear her heart rate accelerate as my hands found their way to her waist. I paused for a moment to breathe and to think about what this meant.

"No. You can't back out now. Kiss me again." Leah demanded as I did, holding back months of feelings for her that I had kept bottled up.

* * *

~Leah's POV~

Knock. Knock.

Damn. I was just remembering that day ... the first time Sam truly opened himself up to me. It was hard to forget and to be interrupted reliving it, of course I couldn't hide the irritation in my voice.

"What do you _want_?"

"I was coming to see you, but if I'm annoying you…" Coly began.

"Oh my … Wow … what are you…" I was silenced by a hug. "I didn't think you'd be coming back, not after a few years ago." I answered. "In retrospect, I acted really stupidly. I had no right to use you like that--"

"You're not with him anymore are you?" Coly wondered, zooming in on my very glistening ring finger. I still wore the ring as a symbol of my perseverance. I would not let Sam go … not as long as I still felt this way about him.

"Bad news travels fast. We're sort of going through a bad moment. It'll pass."

"Yeah, I know all about those … Leah, I didn't come here for small talk. I'm here to take you away."

"Take me away?"

"Take you away."

"Coly I'm not going anywhere. La Push is my home. I've lived here all my life." I protested.

"Which is why you should consider leaving for a bit … see the world. It's bigger than imprinting and werewolves."

"You know?"

"Yeah." Coly pressed his lips together. "And if I stood a chance against that guy, I'll kill him for what he's done to you."

"Now you're just flattering me." I responded with thoughts of leaving it all behind flittering in my mind. Wouldn't it be great if I could just start all over?

"I'm leaving. Two days … are you coming?" That's what Coly had asked me years ago … when I had found out Sam was lying to me.

"I need time to think … I'm sorry." I turned away from him suddenly. I had to know what Sam really thought about me before deciding to leave. I had to.

"Don't take too long." Coly pulled me closer to him and held me in for a hug, resting his chin on the top of my head. I knew it was taking everything he had not to kiss me right now and I was grateful for that. If I were any better than Sam I would put Coly out of his misery and let him love me, but every fiber of my being felt that it would die without Sam. I still loved him _that much. _

(A/N: This story is one of the few that I've actually finished … pretty much. I hope it gains as much steam as _After the Hurricane_, but face it Sam with Leah Is nothing compared to **Jacob and Leah**. If you want more of those two, check out my one shots called _Boys with Girlfriends_. And if you're into the **Vampire Diaries**, check out _South of Nowhere_. … Shameless self-promotion, I know. Luv! Review. –NL)


	4. I Can't Wait to Break Through These Emot

**Chapter Four: I Can't Wait to Break Through These Emotional Changes**

* * *

Sam's Memoir

"I found you." Leah stated as I opened my eyes and sat up. I had been lying in the middle of the woods, trying to think. It had been a couple of days since I had last seen Leah and kissed her like that.

"You should go home."

"I don't want to." She sat down beside me. "So … what are we looking at?"

"Nothing. I was just thinking."

"Ooh **… **_brooding_ over something … that's unusual for you." Leah chimed in as I started to smile. "Wow, I didn't know your face could do anything besides look miserable."

"You're funny."

"I know it." Leah bit her lip and then looked back at me. "I feel like I know nothing about you."

"What do you want to know?"

"Where are you from, for starters …"

"Okay." I sighed. "Missouri. My parents lived there their entire lives."

"What's it like?"

"Hot." I responded as she laughed. "Small town. Close little community."

"So why leave?"

"My dad died." I answered emotionlessly, hoping that would stop the conversation, and it did.

"I can't relate to that." Leah reached for my hand sympathetically. "I'm sorry."

"And I hope you'll never have to." I caressed her jaw lightly before kissing her softly.

"Sue hates you."

"I know, because I saw you naked, right?"

"No." She laughed. "Because she thinks Coly and I belong together … I'm always talking about him aren't I? But I don't know anything about your past girlfriends … what was your last relationship like?"

Sam squinted, trying to think. During his seven years of fleeing, the closest that he had had to a relationship had been a string of meaningless one night stands and repeat sessions with a group of ladies that meant anything to him.

"My last relationship…" He looked down. "I don't know how to tell you but … I haven't had anything real in a long time."

"What was the last girl you were with like?"

"Asian?" I guessed, not really knowing.

"No. Not her _race. _What was she like?"

"We didn't really talk much." I sighed. "I met her at a bar. We went back to her place--"

"And the one before that?" Leah pried, playing with my hair.

"The same …"

"So you're a man whore." She paused, grinning brightly. "That's … interesting … are you afraid of commitment?"

"No, I just move around a lot. You know that." I explained as Leah wrapped her arm around my neck and rested her head on my shoulder.

"If you're looking for that here, than forget it. I'm a virgin." She stated as I continued to look down at Leah, my expression not changing at all. "… at least that's what I tell everyone. But … I do take sex very seriously. If we do it…" She sat up, pointing. "If we do, it means more to me than some physical fantasy that becomes a reality. It's a _big _deal."

"Don't worry about that. You're no one night stand." I whispered, kissing the side of her face and watching the sides of her cheeks rise to form a smile.

* * *

One month later

Leah was impossible to avoid and I didn't want to be apart from her. I told her things about myself, my life … all the while keeping the biggest secret hidden. The only time we were apart was when she was in school or I was meeting with the elders and working on controlling and improving my powers.

It was exhausting. At least now I was out of the Black residence and had my own place to stay. It wasn't a mansion by any means, but I had privacy, piece of mind and a place where I didn't need a chaperone to see Leah.

"It's about time. I was waiting on you." Leah commented from the couch as I opened the door to my place.

"How did you get--"

"I sort of picked the lock … but don't be mad. I wasn't sure when you'd be back, so I just … I decided to wait in here."

"I'm flattered that you wanted to see me that much." I responded back not mentioning that I stopped by the Clearwater place to find her. Leah rushed to my arms as I kissed her smoothly, the feel of her lips on mine melting away all of my concerns. "This can never work." I admitted in between kissing.

"But it is working." She replied. "And I think we both feel too much for each other to just walk away."

"You're right." I smiled.

"Am I?"

"Yeah …" I sighed. "I'm falling in love with a seventeen your old kid."

"Robbin' the cradle." Leah chimed in. "But I'm not complaining." 'That's because you don't know everything,' I added, taking her hand and sitting her on the couch beside me.

"There are some things you should know about me before this goes any further."

"Do you have kids or something? Were you married before?"

"No… nothing like that. It's about my father…"

"Oh." Leah hugged me tightly, trying to comfort my pain.

"Don't." I turned to face her. "Leah, I'm a murderer. I-I killed my father."

"But …. How? Why?"

"It was an accident. We were fighting, arguing. My temper got the best of me and before I knew it, he was lying on the floor dead. That's why I came here."

"So you're running from the cops?" She wondered looking at me in disbelief.

"No." I closed my eyes, not wanting to see her eyes go dark mother's had done. "Well … I guess they could be after me. I never thought about it. After I did what I did, I couldn't stay. I destroyed my mother's world. I had to go because I didn't belong there anymore."

"God…" Leah stared at me with an unreadable expression before she pulled me in and hugged me again. "It's okay Sam. It doesn't change how I feel about you. Nothing ever will." She promised, kissing me as affirmation of her veracity.

From that moment on, I knew that I had to stay in Forks, Washington to be with Leah Clearwater. She was the one for me... and in the worst way. I felt like I had to get up in the morning, I couldn't wait for the next day actually, the next moment to see her and listen to whatever crazy theory she would have for me. Leah was unpredictable, happy, lively and everything I never thought I deserved. But most of all… she didn't make me feel like the monster that I truly was.

* * *

Leah's POV

"You're not a monster." I told Sam the next time that we were alone. He needed to know that I didn't feel that way about him. All of the good things about him overshadowed anything evil he'd done to me.

"I _am_ a monster." He whispered after lying beside me, rolling in the guilt of his treacherous act. '_What I was doing was a disservice to me, Leah and my soon-to-be-wife Emily. This was so selfish, what I was doing? I was trying to have it all.'_

"You're not a monster. You're just trapped."

"I know what I have to do." Sam muttered, his eyelids fluttering downwards.

"If it involves leaving me behind, then you're mistaken. You don't have to do it." I took his hands in mine. '_She was pleading me to stay, even after how I'd treated her in the past. I wanted to just be honest with everyone and tell Leah that us being together would bring about destruction. Us would equal … '_

Suddenly Sam's thoughts stopped. He'd blocked me out. I hated when he did that … shut me out like that. It was our gift, something that only we shared—to hear each other's thoughts in human form—but Sam didn't do that so much anymore.

"I hate when you do that."

"If I want you to know something, I'll say it to you." Sam argued, standing up.

"Don't." I begged, feeling weak at the sight of his naked body. I'd much rather have him emotionally than physically, but I was losing him completely and I _hated _it. It made me miserable. "Stay with me tonight… please." I begged, holding onto him and knowing that he would say yes. He _had _to.

"Why do you always make this so hard?" He sighed.

"Because I love you too much to let you go without a fight." I breathed out suddenly, looking up at him with tears in my eyes. Sam brushed my hair back and stroked my face comfortingly.

"What you're doing is very stupid. I'm giving you an easy out." He explained.

"I can't." I whispered as he kissed me suddenly as a flicker of hope crossed me. Maybe it wasn't over yet.

"That's the imprint talking." He whispered in between kisses.

"I loved you way before that." I held him tighter, enjoying the fleeting moments that we had together. And when he was gone I racked my brain for a way to make him stay, for good. And then I remembered I had his journal, which was like a guide as to how his confused little mind worked.

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(A/N: I'm putting as much effort into this as my non-reviewers. Oh yeah ... and there's a part two to this chapter. --NL)


	5. Seems Like Such a Lost Cause

**Chapter Five, Part Two: Seems Like Such a Lost Cause**

* * *

Sam's Memoir:

(Months later…)

To say that I was in love with Leah would be an understatement. I breathed just to be with her and now at eighteen years old, there was nothing holding us back from being together. We held hands in public, walking together to one of the meetings with the elders.

This was the last secret I had and I was sure that Leah could handle this. I didn't want her to feel afraid of me. I just wanted her to be as understanding as she had always been with me, now that I was becoming more comfortable with who I was.

Sue Clearwater had given me her blessing to bring Leah tonight, since she had known about my other half for a while now. At this point, it was up to me to explain this to Leah and hope that she would accept me.

If she somehow found out that I was a werewolf and believed me to be a monster, then I would know it was true. I couldn't let one more person look at me the way my mother did on that day…

"What's on your mind babe?" I started to smile slowly, as she leaned against me slightly. "You're okay, right?"

"Of course." I responded. "Since when do you call me babe?"

"Since you started showering and shaving … looks good on you." Leah joked, as upbeat as always. Our personalities completely meshed. I was the silent pensive one and she was bubbly and full of life.

"We've got a sense of humor tonight. Well, keep it up…" My voice trailed off as I lead Leah into the meeting, to everyone's surprise. She sat there, very interested in everything until they asked me to come up and demonstrate what I had been practicing all week … transforming from human to lycanthrope within seconds.

I watched Leah as I did so, her face turning from calm and relaxed to an emotion that I had never seen from her. She got up and walked out of the meeting as I followed, still as a wolf. I howled fruitlessly, with Leah not stopping or pausing.

She didn't even seem to be scared. That's when I changed back to human form.

"Leah! Please don't go."

"You lied to me." She turned around, accusingly with tears streaming down her face. "I thought I knew you, but you kept the biggest secret from me …"

"I didn't want to scare you off. I wanted you to get to know me first."

"But this is a part of you Sam. I told you everything. I told you about Coly about my first time with him, about my first kiss … when my parents separated for a while … what that guy did to me … anything you wanted to know about me you already know." Leah sighed.

"Do you think I'm a monster?" I held my breath, awaiting the answer.

"No." She shook her head firmly. "But you're a liar which is much, much worse."

* * *

Leah ran off to the Clearwater house and I followed quietly, now as a lycanthrope again wanting to hear what was going on. I heard sounds of cheering, glee and happiness … Coly had been found. He was back in town coincidently at the same time that I had told her the one thing that could keep us apart.

I watched her run and jump into Coly's arms as he kissed her in response and … she didn't pull away. It took all I had not to mawl him then and there, not to howl in pain. Rather, I just stayed outside of her house, watching and listening.

I did this, going unnoticed for a while, weeks, until Leah caught me sleeping outside of her house.

"Sam?"

"What?"

"What are you doing out here? Did you knock on the door? I just didn't he--"

"No."

"No… what the hell is this about?" She looked at me with those deep, probing eyes and I knew she was really wanting to ask me something more.

"I want to talk to you. I just need … a moment of your time."

"Leah, is that--" Coly appeared in the doorway, shirtless and looking more than comfortable. He looked like he had been painted into that picture, _made _to be there looking like that at her parent's house with Leah.

"Yeah. Give me a moment babe." Leah pouted her lips at me and then turned to embrace Coly. I couldn't have stopped looking even if my eyes were on backwards. They kissed, again, but this time it was in front of me and much, much worse.

I could see it in her eyes that there were still feelings there. When Leah had finally stopped kissing Coly and smiling like a little school girl, she joined me.

"So … talk. What do you have to say?"

"What you're doing is unfair. It makes me question whether or not you ever cared about me."

"I have history with him. Coly expects that when he comes home, it's like he never left." Leah explained openly. "And we're in one of those situations where it can end at any time. He could die or I could die before we get to see each other again."

"So … what if I hadn't revealed my secret to you? Would you still be sleeping with him?"

"My parents love him. The community knows him and how we are together."

"Answer me please."

"I was hoping it would never come to that because I'd have to choose."

"I knew you--"

"I'd have to choose how to let Coly down gently. But since you fucked it up, I have my answer. It won't work between us and blah blah. So what lame ass line are you going to come up with to make me change my mind?"

"Come away with me."

"Excuse me?"

"When Coly leaves, we'll go away somewhere together, somewhere where we can focus on ourselves and no one else's expectations. And when it's over, you can decide what you want without feeling obligated to pick any side but your own."

"And what if I say no? Coly is two steps away from asking me to marry him and I haven't exactly been hinting that it's over between us." Leah tucked her hair behind her ears as I struggled not to touch her. I was so upset with her, so hurt, but I still wanted her.

"I know you two have been having sex--"

"How?"

"Leah, I've been sleeping outside your door ever since you walked away from me."

"As creepy as that is … I'll consider hearing you out. Just tell me where we're going and I'll meet you, but … I'm not promising anything. I can't promise that I'll choose you this time." Leah answered leaving my heart feeling heavy. I nodded knowing that I couldn't let her go.

**  
I closed the memoir suddenly. I remembered that night clearly. It was six years ago when I thought it was over between me and Sam. He lied to me and I hated liars, but I didn't just let him go and let it die. I went after him anyway.

I was stupid. I didn't need to read anymore of this stupid little diary to know what happened next. Sam took me away to someplace in California. We were gone for a month, getting to know each other, spending time with each other … we basically ran away and didn't tell anyone.

I remember him loving me so fully, I remember us getting married and the imprint … I opened up the diary one last time. I had to know why he chose me. I had to.

* * *

Leah is truly in love with Coly. She is. I can see it when she looks off into the distance, when she plays around with that stupid ring that was given to her. It drives me wild. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle for her love. I am trying so hard to keep it together and be stable for her.

I don't want Leah to see me out of control and get upset. It might make her go back to Coly, which is why I had to take her away. I had to make her see things my way because I want to be with her so deeply. I want to love her, not let anyone else have her.

Leah went with me to Southern California. It was warm there and we could walk around freely in our shorts and bathing suits. I proposed to her and we immediately got our papers signed to get married. I waited until after we were married, out of respect to her before I attempted the imprint.

I think that's what bonded her to me emotionally, which was only part of the imprint. There needed to be a physical connection, which had been established immediately, an emotional connection which was harder to come by, and the imprint would bound us mentally.

Three degrees of bonding, very difficult if not impossible to break. I felt triumphed, knowing that Leah would love me forever and that Coly was out of the picture for good. I felt certain that we would last until our human lives were over …

**Five Years Later…**

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(A/N: I'm putting as much effort into this as my non-reviewers. Oh yeah ... and there's a part two to this chapter. --NL)


	6. I Can't Wait to Face You, Break You Down

**Chapter Five: I Can't Wait to Face You, Break You Down So Low There's No Place Left to Go **

****(a/n: **Almost Done. Review. **-NL)

* * *

Sam's Memoir:

I was wrong to imprint Leah. If I had known what she was, then I wouldn't have … she-wolfs aren't supposed to exist. Two wolves are never meant to be together. There are many legends of what may happen, but no one seems to _know_ what will happen. It's just too risky to-

* * *

I didn't want to hear anymore of Sam's sanctimonious bull shit. He imprinted me because he was scared and jealous of Coly more than because of love. I had to confront him about this. Everything.

"Sam! Sam!"

"Leah, what are you-"

"Move Emily." I commanded, on a rampage. "You are a sick fuck!"

"Leah, please." Emily begged.

"You _imprinted _me to keep me away from Coly. Instead of fighting for my love you forced me to become infatuated with you only to go back and do the same thing to my cousin."

"Can we not do this here?" Sam begged, barely looking at me. This was strange. Weird. I could normally understand what he was thinking, but my anger was clouding it or something. I was outraged. Pissed. I wanted to kill him.

"No. We have to. I _trusted_ you. I was young and stupid but I believed everything you said to me … but it was all a lie." I tossed his stupid little journal back to him. "I read it. I know what you did and you owe me."

"Leah …"

"No. I get to talk. Sam … come with me." I took his hand, leading him away. When we were far enough away, I asked him … "Did you ever really love me?"

"Leah … I can't do this. I need you to sign these papers."

I pressed my lips together in contemplation. "I had a good thing with Coly-"

"You can still have it."

"How? You're all I can think about and it's making me sick."

"You hate me Leah … that's how you can break the imprint. We have to become unbonded."

"Is that what you want?" I wondered, feeling like someone was chiseling a hole through my body.

"I _want _to move on and have a family … _kids_."

I snatched the paper from him and signed furiously. "Take it!" I threw them into the air and then went to my quiet spot in the woods. It didn't seem so quiet anymore. My head was swarming. I phased and called to Jacob. I needed help.

'What do you want?'

'It was all a game … Sam only chose to imprint me because I was an opportunity. He was jealous and curious. He wanted to break me apart from Coly so that's why he did it. He was scared that I wouldn't choose him and now he's the one who backs out, but I'm the one who got screwed.'

"So he said he never loved you?" Jacob wondered, taking human form as I followed suit.

"He didn't really say much of anything, but I read it all in his stupid little memoir. He basically said that I wasn't worth fighting for and he wants Emily, so I signed the papers."

"I'm proud of you."

"Why?"

"Because you're moving on. You're going to get through this."

"The imprint is a permanent bond-"

"Bull shit. Everything in this life is transient. Nothing is implacable. If anyone can get over this imprint it's you. Now that you know what Sam is really about and … that he's not your only option, you can live your life."

"Wow … I never knew that you could be that serious…" I began, starting to see Jacob in a new light. He did always manage to surprise me ... whenever I wasn't too focused on Sam to take notice.

"No, I'm serious. There are no boundaries for you. You are a she-wolf, the first that we've ever had meaning … you can make your own rules. You don't have to love a guy forever because he enchanted you."

"I don't think I can go from love to neutral so … can I just hate him instead?"

"Yeah. You have my permission." He pulled me in for a hug as I tried to hold back my tears. It was hard letting go, even if I did have that ... closure.

* * *

(A/N: One more and this will be my 2nd Twi fic that I've finished! -NL)


	7. HATEU

************

**Chapter Six: ****I Can't Wait to Hate You**

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I let myself be hugged by Jacob, to be made vulnerable by the situation and to show that, yes I was weak for a moment. With thoughts of my one and only love on my mind, I asked, "Any suggestions for how to get over him?"

"Easy. We kill him." Jacob joked which caused me to smile a little.

"Killing him would be like killing myself."

"Then I have a better idea."

"What?" I looked up at him, interested.

"One word … Coly. And I can get him to be here as soon as you want." Jacob smiled as though he knew this moment would come and when to pawn me off on Coly. "There's your second chance. Don't piss on it this time."

* * *

Sam's POV

Even though Leah signed the papers, I wasn't relieved. I knew that I had forced her into it … that without that fake memoir, nothing would have changed. I fingered the real journal, thinking about how it chronicled how much I truly love Leah.

She couldn't know that. If we stayed together…

No! Billy Black knew the legend, we all did. It would be the end of everyone and I couldn't be that selfish. I just hoped that I'd done enough to make her hate me … if not, I was hating myself enough for the both of us.

Only Billy Black seemed sure … he said that this type of bond was dangerous, that it would cause a slow and painful death…

"Honey, are you alright?" Emily wondered, starling me and coming from behind.

"Yeah. Perfect." I started to show Emily the papers that Leah sighed, but I decided against it. I would keep them until I knew that I was truly over her.

"So … I guess she didn't sign?"

"No. I think the stress was too much, but she'll cave." I promised, holding Emily tightly to me and placing her chin on my shoulder, where it belonged.

"I love you Sam."

"I love you too baby." I managed to say, sounding more real than it actually was.

* * *

Leah POV

"So… ready?" Coly wondered, placing my last bag into the car.

"You don't have to do that,

_really."_

__

"Let me show you how she should've been treated all this time." He offered touching the side of my face fleetingly before closing the car door. "You better go say your goodbyes."

"I guess so." I nodded, hugging Seth first. I couldn't believe that I was really going to leave this place behind, my brother, Jacob, the community and everything that I knew.

"Don't wimp out and come back!" Jacob yelled as everyone else agreed and cheered. They were trying to be encouraging and I was surprised that everyone was here. Everyone except Emily and Sam. I could care less about Emily, but Sam's absence stung.

It was probably for the best. If he didn't show, that meant that he didn't care anymore. Or at least that's what I had to tell myself. And

_not seeing him would make it that much easier to leave._

__

"You ready?" Coly wondered as I nodded sternly. If I spoke, I was afraid that I'd say something to ruin it, to make him decide that I wasn't worth taking with him. I wasn't.

Not when my heart still belonged to that stubborn, selfish bastard.

I hopped into the car without another word, watching my mom and all the theatrics. Really? She probably thought I'd never get over Sam and was just so happy for me… Damn it Sue.

Coly took off and started the car and then the waterworks really started. At least for me. I couldn't believe that I was being such a baby about this, that Sam didn't even bother to show up…

But he did.

At the crossroads between La Push and the next town over, there he was. On the side of the road practically hidden in the bushes. And there he held something with him. I sign that said, 'One day you'll understand.' I didn't want to understand, I just wanted to be with him.

"Stop the car for a moment. Please." I ran out into the bushes, but Sam had gone. I chased after him until I caught up. "I still love you." I declared vulnerably. "You treat me like shit and I still want you to touch me, talk to me, care for me."

"Leah. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come here."

"No. I'm glad you're here." I rushed up to hug him. "I think even with everything, I'll be strong enough to leave so … if you want to have sex now." I joked. And he laughed. For a moment, he reminded me of the pre-imprint Sam, so hard that only I could get to him.

"You still do it after the thing with Emily?"

"I don't care about her or what you have going on with her. I only care about you." I kissed him forcefully. "And that's why I have to leave." I pushed Sam away quickly and then ran back to the car. As Coly pulled away, I could see Sam's figure watching, watching, waiting as I drifted farther and farther away.

But it turned out that Sam was right. Fifteen years after leaving Forks and never looking back, I received a package in the mail. No return address, but I'd know the handwriting anywhere.

It was thick, but light and I couldn't wait to see what it was. And then I opened it and I saw the note first. '

_This is the true story of us. How I feel about you. Take it for what it's worth and know that I don't deserve to be part of your life anymore. And I hope you hate me for what I've done. And you never come back for me because if you do, I won't be able to say no again. –Sam' _

__

The thick package turned out to me Sam's memoir. Why was he sending it again? I flipped through it like I had done fifteen years ago. But this time… these were his words up until the date of the letter. I almost cried in horror after reading the first few pages.

_'I think I'll love her forever. I have to make her love me.' _

__

My jaw clenched as I read more and more. I was so enamored with it, that everything else I was supposed to do that day, on my day off, was forgotten. I read from morning through part of the afternoon.

"What's that Ma?" My oldest son asked as I jumped up startled.

"Nothing. Are your sisters home yet?"

"Not yet."

"Good." I dropped the journal off my lap and decided that I didn't want to know anymore. It tore away from the legitimacy of my feelings, the love that I had for Sam to know that he … he saw that I was going to be with Coly so he imprinted me.

I didn't want to feel like I did back then. I didn't want to love Sam anymore. I'd tried so hard to push that all away.

"How was your day sweetie?" I asked my oldest son Taye. He looked so much like Coly that it amazed me. He was the only child I'd been able to give birth to. That probably had a little to do with my slip-up, when Sam popped up one day. He'd made love to me like never before and I think it did something to be … for real that time…

I was never able to have children again, but we found other ways that lead to two little miracles, two baby girls. And it was with my children, and Coly, that I realized that Sam was much more trouble than he was worth. And I should continue to hate him … even though I knew two seconds later I'd be back to loving him. Again and always.

* * *

(The End. Luv and Review. -NL)


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